Sometimes I just hope I am someone with no feelings at all. Everyone told me they liked me because I am such an understanding person..However, if being such an understanding person was an easy task, I wouldn't have to bear so much disappointment already :(
I tried telling myself that I am an understanding person, and I have to learn to understand and let go things that I should have. However, things go against my wish! The feeling isn't right at all. In the past, I pinned high hopes on everything, almost everything if you may ask. But now, I dared not.
I'm afraid of the INCREASING disappointment in return. I'm scared of the things you tell me which was totally the opposite to what it was in the beginning. Frankly speaking, I'm numbed. Totally numbed by what went round recently. Telling myself, "Isn't it stupid to cry over all such things? Isn't it Dumb to pin high hopes when I know what I'll get in return?"
Sometimes I just feel that, I'm putting you in difficult position, or maybe, you being the sandwich in between me and your mum. However, when you told me things about your family, I'm sad for you. Sad that you had been in a difficult position all along. From then, I told myself, never to let you be in a difficult position anymore. So, I learnt to be a MORE/BETTER understanding person towards you.
I learned to understand your agony, the disappointment that you received from your parents once and once again. From there, I learnt to be a person that says "nevermind"...even though that's not how I felt in me~
I don't know what I want from you actually...SERIOUSLY, I DON'T!
Tan dardar, don't worry about me. I never regret at all~!

Sometimes I just hope I am someone with no feelings at all. Everyone told me they liked me because I am such an understanding person..However, if being such an understanding person was an easy task, I wouldn't have to bear so much disappointment already :(
I tried telling myself that I am an understanding person, and I have to learn to understand and let go things that I should have. However, things go against my wish! The feeling isn't right at all. In the past, I pinned high hopes on everything, almost everything if you may ask. But now, I dared not.
I'm afraid of the INCREASING disappointment in return. I'm scared of the things you tell me which was totally the opposite to what it was in the beginning. Frankly speaking, I'm numbed. Totally numbed by what went round recently. Telling myself, "Isn't it stupid to cry over all such things? Isn't it Dumb to pin high hopes when I know what I'll get in return?"
Sometimes I just feel that, I'm putting you in difficult position, or maybe, you being the sandwich in between me and your mum. However, when you told me things about your family, I'm sad for you. Sad that you had been in a difficult position all along. From then, I told myself, never to let you be in a difficult position anymore. So, I learnt to be a MORE/BETTER understanding person towards you.
I learned to understand your agony, the disappointment that you received from your parents once and once again. From there, I learnt to be a person that says "nevermind"...even though that's not how I felt in me~
I don't know what I want from you actually...SERIOUSLY, I DON'T!
Tan dardar, don't worry about me. I never regret at all~!

OMG!! I so missed the time I had with W16K as well as my beloved dardar!
Thought today can go out with dardar, but due to some reasons, cancelled. hehehe!
NVM(: we'll have our time tomorrow...ONWARDS~!!!!
Missed all my friends all of a sudden..but it seemed like I'm hiding from everyone..haiz

Do you really know how I'm feeling right now??
I'm angry with you....angry with you because of all your NEGATIVE thinking!!!
You remembered today before you start driving, I told you to be careful with driving? That isn't what my mama said, but that's ME!! Do you know the reason why?!
I dreamt of you having car accident last night...and you left - dead!!! I woke up sobbing pitifully, crying none stop!! Thinking, OMG! You had driving lessons today afternoon...I prayed to the Lord, asking him to protect you where ever you go!! To stay by your side because I can't!! Asked Him to watched over you!! I'm enlightened to receive phone calls from you, saying that you're reaching home already. I sigh a hope of relieve!! Thanking Lord for your safety!!
I'm just afraid that my dream would happen!! AND YOU ON MSN TOLD ME ALL THAT~!!!
I'm not scared to admit that I'm afraid to lose you! Afraid that you'll leave me all alone in this world! Dardar, promise me to take away all your negative thoughts okay~? You promised not to make me cry again...but it seemed that.....*sigh*
Just PROMISE me...do not leave me alone in this world!

Tan DARDAR! All I wanna tell you now is that, No matter what happened, we will walk that path together! Remember that ppt I've sent you? I ask you whether you've agreed???? And you said YES?! Hope that really counts(:
I love you, and I'll remember all those things you've promised to me! remember...me 25 and you 26! OK?!

Sometimes I felt that something is pulling us apart!
Sometimes I felt that I really need your presence..
Sometimes I have a feeling~ An indescribable feeling in me~!
I don't know what it was..but it just hurts so much that I don't feel like going into deep thoughts.
Sometimes, I don't know what you're thinking...neither do I know how to share what I'm thinking with you~
I really wish to know what's that feeling that I'm having now!
Please~ tell me!

YEAH~!!! it's gonna be the last week of school already. and guess what? CHALET COMING~!!!!! cant wait for it~!! that's 3 hours~ hooooowoooohoooo

I hope everything will be fine!
I hope we will never part!
I hope things will return to what it was before!
I hope I could stop thinking!
I hope no matter what happen, nothing will affect our relationship!

Another day had passed! Another sweet and loving day with tan dardar(:
Math UT2 result had been released. Was devastated once again~!
Omgoodness was what I said! ~Sigh~
Dardar~ If you might notice, it wasn't me smiling/laughing today..it was only my skin that's doing the job (I think you wouldn't know ba).
My heart wasn't really HAPPY..though I may be smiling sweetly at you. Or laughing at your random jokes...sorry, but I wasn't!
What my lips was saying, totally contradicts to what my heart/mind was thinking.

Lips:"NVM~! I don't care already..don't bother anymore"
Heart/mind:"what happened?! why?!"

Suddenly I felt DUMB! VERY DUMB!
Broke down while bathing~ asking myself why am I so stupid...why can't I think of the questions?! Asking myself~ Do someone really smart, deserved someone that's dumb?
I don't know~!!!
I just don't feel right inside~